Writing to me is very therapeutic, it helps get my emotions out in a way that I feel that can be best expressed, I'm not a good orator.  It's amazing to me how small things can turn into big life decisions and cause one to do a lot of soul searching.  This past Monday, that's exactly what happened, something seemingly small and insignificant that I wasn't even a part of is now causing me to take a step back and look at my priorities in life.  There's so many things that I want to do but have settled with and been happy.  A sibling is going to have her first child very soon, she told me sometime this week.  With that and the small issue that happened at work on Monday I feel that I have to come to grips with some things. The bottom line being what I hold to be dear and what I hold as a priority.

I strive to be a realist, but I feel that that part of me is now pointing me in a direction that I was either to timid, complacent or frightened to take.  Writing this I was just reminded of the passage in the Bible, I think that it's Mark 8:36 "For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"  I am not the most financially stable person but I know that I'm more fortunate than a lot of people, yet I feel that slowly I've allowed myself to lose track of the bigger goal in life, in effect I'm gaining worldly possessions and materialistic things, yet it's been a cost to my soul that feels drained and increasingly jaded.

I feel that moderation is the best in anything we do. Yet if we don't know when to step away then we can became increasingly cynical, jaded and angry with those things whether it be a job, hobby or relationship.  The saying goes that it's the unknown that people are fearful of; this hasn't been the case for me, I've always been more fearful when I know what the options and outcomes likely are.  It will be a real strength of character if I'm brave enough to do something that so many these day's don't seem to get the concept of, a word and principle that is almost taboo in our society today...sacrifice.

The Sunday school definition for sacrifice is "giving up something good for something greater."  God help me that I can have the courage to take that big step towards changing my attitude of entitlement to one of sacrifice, it might be hard, but it will be worth it.